Date: 7 February 2011
San Antonio (Fake News) - Today the city of San Antonio announced an innovative way to reduce costs incurred by replacing the entire fleet of squad cars currently used by the San Antonio Police Department with custom decorated "low-speed pursuit vehicles" (golf carts). The initiative is slated to save the city millions of dollars in the coming years and also has the benefit of drastically reducing the amount of gasoline used by the city.
According to this local non-expert criminal journalist, the crime rate in the city is expected to substantially increase as officers will take longer to respond to police calls placed by citizens, as the top speed of the carts is an estimated 15 mph. Ultimately, the slower speed will also reduce the number of speeding violations the SAPD will be able to enforce.
Even though the department is faced with so many drawbacks from switching to the new vehicles, the move is widely heralded by a certain former Vice-President obsessed with "global warming" as "a step in the right direction for America".
San Antonio Police Department Low-Speed Pursuit Vehicle
Editor's Note: I hope you enjoyed this light-hearted fake news release. I saw this parked in HemisFair Park on Saturday when I went downtown to take some photos and have been eagerly looking forward to writing up a fake article and sharing the photo since then! :)